he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did you pee in the oven last night??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize