u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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