That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would ride that face into the sunset
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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