Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
