They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
