remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
