Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
