My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
