My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do vagina's smell?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
