Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
