I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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