I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
