I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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