Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
