I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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