I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
