you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
