She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
