I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
