Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
