i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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