dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize