margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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