Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is Oprah even human
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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