Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
