I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Boobs speak an international language.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
