I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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