hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
