U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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