Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
