i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
