Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
