Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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