He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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