If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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