I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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