There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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