he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
