Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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