Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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