i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
