So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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