help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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