she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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