That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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