so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
