That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
