i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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