You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
