TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
