I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
