I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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