I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im holly from the hills drunk
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
