if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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