I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
