Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
