Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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