im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
