I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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