Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
