I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize