And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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