She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
