What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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