I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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