i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you will always have a special place in my vag
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
