i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
