Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
