Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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