She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
