I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
