so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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