Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
