oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize