i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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