Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
