its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
