I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
