I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
