I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
