CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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