the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex on a dog bed..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
